Hello every-no-one!
I've been gone for about a year now, and I wanted to say that I STILL HAVE A PULSE.
Why have I been gone? DOES ANYONE REALLY CARE?
No, probably not, but still. I was caught up in something called "Real Life". Y'know, what with the school, and the learning german, and the video games, and the oy vey.

Really though, I've just been busy, and occupied with other things. My dog died, I got a cat and a turtle, and we sold my bed. Stuff no one cares about.

Also, does anyone compose these long monologues in their heads throughout the day?

Like this: GODDAMMIT I HATE ANIME. Not really anime per se, but the impact which it has had on Western culture. I can no longer tell where it stops and Western art begins. And I don't hate Japanese culture, but dammit make sure it's ACTUAL CULTURE and not FUCKING CARTOONS. I still watch anime from time to time, but because I enjoy ANIMATION. Anime seems to be a poser phase that most people go through when they're 12 or 13, much like hip-hop or punk music. Or Zim, for that matter. It was great for a while, but you can only watch reruns SO MUCH before they just stop being funny. It's like, once we begin to mature, and get interested in OTHER THINGS, those just get washed away. But dammit it's so POPULAR. That's made it leave from actual, tasteful artwork that happens to be respected in the western world, and go to Bleach and Pokemon.
Shit.

But now, let's talk about SEX.
-bay-bee, let's talk about yooou and m-- No wait seriously.
I think it's odd that a lot of teenagers think they're still virgins if they perform oral sex or handjobs on their partners. DAMMIT, IT'S STILL SEX. The hymen might still be attached, but YOU just committed a sexually stimulating act on another person. That would be sex. And the last time I checked, a virgin was one who has not yet had sex. So yeah.
Masturbation is a better alternative, but because it releases sexual tension. Not because it's actual sex. It's an orgasm, yeah, but sex... Sex usually needs at least two people. You know, one man, one woman. That's sex. You can usually tell by that awkward, depressing afterglow that it's not really meant to be performed alone.
Everyone thinks that Christians and the Bible are against masturbation, but in truth, what we're against is the narcissism that comes along when it's practiced extensively. Most point out, in Genesis, when a man named Onan's brother died, and, according to the law, he should marry the brother's widow to preserve his family line. When he does, and is having sex with her, he ejaculates outside instead of in. Coitus interruptus. Then God kills him. Now, the point is, not that he's wasting his semen, but that he's consciously neglecting his duty to his brother. So that's been misinterpreted all over the place.
While we're on the subject, I'd like to point out a very disturbing webcomic, Kit 'n' Kay. They're two foxes, always nude, who are drawn in a cute disney-like style. And they, and every other character, have sex. Almost constantly. I still don't understand how anyone could possibly be aroused by such, but that's not my point. At some point in the storyline(?) they have an UBERgasm. Not just an orgasm, but an UBERgasm. The female fox later wants to experience that again, so she masturbates. Understandable. Then, as she reaches climax, it's just a (I swear to God I'm quoting here) "regular old orgasm". And her face. Jesus Christ her face. She's just so... disappointed. At climaxing.
Now, I can guarantee you that the look on your face after an orgasm, solo or otherwise, will never be one of disappointment. It may be one of shame, or of guilt, or of "Damn how am I gonna get that off the couch", but NEVER OF DISAPPOINTMENT. No matter what familial taboo or mess there is, it was totally fucking worth it. Don't believe me? Then try this simple experiment:
1. Masturbate.
2. Look in the mirror.
Results: your face.
I rest my case.
While still on the subject of... that, I'd like to point out that, when it comes to masturbation, women have all the luck. No ejaculation. In fact, I'm pretty sure that the female orgasm is proof of God's handiwork. I mean, come on. THE EVIDENCE IS ALL THERE.
Sexual fantasies. Everyone has them, and usually they're pretty normal. But, I tell you the truth, everyone has at least one deep, dark secret one. What? You expect me to tell you mine? No.
Just... no.

Also, I've found that drawn pornography would have you believe that jizz is a milky-white substance with the consistency of a mixture of water and toothpaste. However, drawn porn would also have you believe that a woman's breasts are twice the size of her head, and that a man's dong could be confused with a tree-trunk, but I take special account into this one.
Because.
It's really, really not. I think that's also lead to another myth, that pulling out before ejaculation is a viable way to avoid pregnancy. Here are the facts:
1. Semen can differ in consistency, from very thin to very thick. However, even at it's thickest it's still not as thick as the whole "watery toothpaste" mentioned above. It's also very clear, not milk-white at all.
2. There is a pre-ejaculatory fluid (usually called pre-cum) that is released--guess when-- prior to ejaculation. This contains sperm as well, so hypothetically, even if the male didn't reach orgasm, the female could still get pregnant. This disproves the whole "pulling out" theory.
3. This isn't really a fact, it just disproves a myth: There are some rumors going around that certain body-builders consume their own semen for the protein. This is just bullshit. There is less then a gram of protein in a male ejaculation. Along with being fictional, it's just fucking disgusting.

At the end of all this, I still say that sex is just a single part of a loving relationship, and that sex WITHOUT a relationship isn't sex. I mean, it just isn't meant to be like that.

You think this is all weird, but it's been boiling in my head for MONTHS goddammit why

I am a strong advocate of torrents and free downloads.
Just for music, I wholeheartedly agree. Some say they steal sales from bands, some bands have broken up from illegal downloads, etc.
But wait. Let's use a hypothetical situation. Emily wants to listen to some new music. Now, there are a few ways she could go about doing this:
1. She can go to the music store, purchase some random CDs from genres she likes, and go home and listen to them. With this method, she doesn't know if she's getting music she likes or doesn't like. The artists of the CDs which she purchased got one sale each, but there's little chance she'll buy them again.
2. She can go online, enter a band which she already likes into a search engine or music recommendation tool, and find similar bands. Here, it branches off into three paths:
2a. She can go to the music store and purchase the CDs from the bands that she found, but this has the same results as method 1.
2b. She can go to an online music purchasing center, such as iTunes, and buy a few songs from those bands. This also leads to the same results as method 1, albeit less cost to her.
2c. She can use a program like Vuze or Frostwire to find music from genres she likes, or from the similar bands, and download the songs or albums she finds for free. She can then listen to them at her leisure, and find more music she likes. She might even find some new favourite bands. This is the method I use.
My point is, with 2c she will find new music and bands that she knows she likes, and those bands will have a new fan. She'll buy albums from them from now on. Now, the artists have a new buyer, Emily gets to expand her music collection, and everyone wins.

Some may point out that now, most music and bookstores have computers, where customers can listen to the music before they buy it. Well, you could do that, if you want to spend a couple hours in the store. What if you're just stopping buy on the way home from school, or work? What if you're just coming in while everyone else is in another store (e.g. mom's getting her hair done, sister's trying on some clothes, etc.)? Basically, what if you don't have that much time to kill?

So what I'm saying is, I like bands such as Breaking Benjamin, Children of Bodom, Amon Amarth and Nine INch Nails. I rarely, if ever, get to go to a music store. So, without "illegal" downloading, I wouldn't know that my favorite bands WERE my favorite bands. Those artists have a fan that, any chance he gets, buys their new albums. Everyone wins.

I'm fascinated by ancient civilizations. Ancient English, Scandinavian, Finnish, Chinese... It's all shrouded in mystery. That, and it was so much simpler. We rely WAY too much on technology. Everyone is so... weak. Only a handful of people would, if technology and most of society collapsed, be able to live well. Before, books, work, land... it all REALLY meant something. Nature was still important to humans.

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH WOMEN DIETING SO MUCH?!
I MEAN COME ON. When we can see your jawline so SHARPLY, it's TOO FAR. When we can see your ribcage, YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR.
GODDAMMIT. Like Burn Notice. Any of you seen that show? The woman that plays Fiona. UUUGHH. Every time she comes on the screen I shout "JESUS CHRIST MY EYES WHY LORD WHYYYEEE". My family is getting really annoyed at that. What's wrong with a woman having a little meat on the bones? I'm not talking about FAT fat, but a little bit of fat on the belly, hips, legs and arms ISN'T GOING TO HURT. THAT, at least, looks healthy. But when I'm walking through a mall, and I see these women wearing super-tight clothes, and they're POLE-THIN with no body to show off, it's sickening. And what is it with women wearing uber-tight clothing anyway? Trust me. I don't need to see your ass. Really. No, I've seen your bra strap already. You're going to fucking suffocate.

Well... I'm all out for now. I hope you enjoyed this rambling, rant-like monologue.